Why advocating for yourself in pregnancy is harder than people admit.

Why “just speak up” doesn’t tell the whole story

“Just speak up”. “Ask questions”. “You’re allowed to say no”.

These phrases are usually offered with good intentions, but for many people, they land with a quiet sense of failure.

Because if it were that simple, it wouldn’t feel so hard.

Advocating for yourself in pregnancy doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It happens within relationships, systems, time pressures, and power dynamics.

Image: placard reading “no more silence”

The hidden barriers to pregnancy advocacy

Many people notice that even when they do ask questions, the conversation doesn’t always open up.

Answers may be brief. Language may be clinical. The pace may move on quickly.

Over time, this can create hesitation - not because someone doesn’t care, but because they’re trying to stay aligned, cooperative, and “easy” within their maternity care.

Pregnancy also brings vulnerability. You’re navigating unfamiliar information, bodily uncertainty, and responsibility all at once. Speaking up in that context can feel risky, even when you know you’re entitled to it.

Image: woman holding finger to lips

Advocacy in maternity care isn’t about being louder

There’s a common misconception that advocating for yourself in pregnancy means being assertive or forceful.

In reality, most people are simply trying to understand:

• what’s being recommended

• why it’s being suggested

• what options exist

When advocacy is framed as something you should just do, without acknowledging the system you’re doing it within, people are left blaming themselves when it feels hard.

The truth is: advocacy works best when it’s supported by understanding.

Advocacy in maternity care isn’t about being louder. It’s about being orientated.

(This is something I support people with in a grounded, non-confrontational way - helping pregnancy care conversations feel clearer and less fraught).